I'm Back

It's funny how being single gives unpredictability. I try to keep up with a consistent schedule, but there is no telling if I'll even have internet access at one moment or another, or even what time I'll roll into my house. But that's what I like about my life.

I did decide that on the list of life's to-do's living in Europe ranks above getting married. That's just something that I want to do so badly, that short of God changing that desire, I'll pick that over marriage, or I'll need to marry someone that wants or has to do.

And it's important to know these things. If you don't know, then you wind up with regrets.

And who knows where I'll be in a couple years, but at least I'm not waiting for life to find me, I'm going out and hunting it.

I have a confession....

I have a confession to make: I am an emotional dater. I fall pray to not just reading into boys attentions hoping that they are falling madly in love with me, but I also use boys for the attention they get and sometimes even leading them on. Now I realize that I do this from time to time and I've been working on it, but it's hard; especially for someone who has never had the thrill of being in love, in having someone pursue after me. So I settle for those little moments here and there where I get the illusion of love: It's like wanting swiss dark chocolate and getting Hersey's milk, similar, but not the same in any fact of the matter.

The thing I've realized the most is that I've stopped really putting God first. I don't read the bible and focus on him, and I don't have dedicated prayer times. I've taken him for granted. I mean, I talk to him through the whole day- I'm one of those people that looks like a crazy person because I'm always talking to myself, only God's included in those conversations. But still, I've been convicted lately in the importance of focused time, which I'm lacking in.

So here we go, I'm going to try to focus my emotions on God instead of what ever Testosterone filled person is closest. We'll see how I do.

Youtube

Something that's nice about being single, as I've said before, is that I can waste my life away, and not feel guilty for it, or at least not like I'm letting down anyone but myself. So, in light of that, here is my latest discovery. Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xybXlUVSYk

Glutton for Punishment

Why does it seem that every time humans feel ourselves spiraling out of control, that we just help the mood along? When I'm in a bad mood, I put on a sad song. When I'm bitter and tired of being single- what do I do? I watch romantic movies about people who find the love of their life in an hour or less.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we insist on beating ourselves up over what is out of our control?

I watch these movies and read such books hoping that they encourage my life on a path similar to these stories. I hope that watching these movies shows God my earnest in wanting that part of my life. In part I watch them to show that I'm not happy with my life.

But that's not true. Sometimes I feel that way, however in truth, it's more of a burning desire for the goodness to come. I know from everything that has happened in my past that God is exceedingly good to me, and that he will not fail me now. So can I not hope for the future when I know that God will only continue to guide my path.

Maybe then, the movies are not so sad. Maybe for me, they help give me more of a prophetic outlook on life. Something that I will one day have.

someday.....

Harry Was Right

If you've ever seen when Harry Met Sally, you know that a main conversation that runs through it is that Men and women can't be friends, the sex always gets in the way. Now many of you are thinking that's not true, but I agree with it and this is why: because the sex always gets in the way.

Now I don't mean real sex, obviously if you're a christian and single you should be abstaining at the moment. But just because they take the truth to the extreme, doesn't make it any less true. Without fail, if you have someone of the opposite sex as a best friend, at some point or another one of you will fall for the other, or maybe both of you will, but that doesn't mean it's right.

I'm sure you're asking yourself right now "Well how am I supposed to meet people?"

Well, let's back up a little.

I'm not saying that you can't have friends that are the opposite sex, because it would become impossible to meet anyone. What I am saying is that you should never make someone of opposite sex one of your closest friends, unless you both have the understanding that this may become more than friends, otherwise it's doomed to fail.

Now I'm sure your saying "no it won't."

But it will and this is why: Because one day one or both of you will want to get married. And that marriage will make it impossible for you to remain best friends. When you get married, you put the other person ahead of any other, even yourself.

If you're still going to your best friend- who is the same sex as your spouse- with all the problems of your marriage, or life, or anything else that should be worked out with a spouse, your opening yourself up to at the least an emotional affair, if not more.

For me, I've had many friendship where it starts out with the understanding that we will only ever be "just friends" but then the Guy starts getting other ideas, and that just means I have to break up the friendship because well "the sex got in the way."

I also have a girlfriend who's best friend is a guy, and for now it works. Their both single, and they've been through a lot together, including each of them liking the other at opposite moments. It's a complected situation, one that I'm not sure anyone fully understands, but the only reason that in this case it's alright is that they both have talked about the fact that one day, this relationship as they know it will end, because they will have a spouse that has to come first.

Me, I just don't care to put myself in that situation. And maybe that's you as well. The big thing is that you have to know "the sex will always get in the way." Whether it's now or later, you will have to pick your spouse over everyone that is the same sex as them. Period.

Back in the Groove

Well, I think I've finally kicked my sickness, and I'm starting to get back in the groove. It's amazing how easy it is to fall out of your life, and how difficult it is to get back into it. Before I was sick it was easy for me to get everything in that I needed to for the day, but now, I just want to shirk all my responsibilities. And that's part of the beauty of being single. To some extent you can forget about life. If I want to sit on my couch and leave the dishes for a couple days, I'm the one that has to live with it. If I want to play a computer game for 5 hours straight, I have nobody to feel neglected. Grant it, eventually life catches up and you realize you're the only one there to get thing done, but still, sometimes it's nice to ignore life.

Unfriend

Well, After a week of sickness, I now have room in my head for a thought or two (although it still feels like my body is still trying to get my lungs to the outside)

One thing that has happened is that quite a bit in the past week is Facebook unfriending and blocking. Has that ever happened to you? Where someone gets there panties in a twist about something- usually imaginary- and they unfriend, or in extreme circumstances, block you.

Here is what I think about this. Unfriending someone says that you fully and completely give up on any type of relationship with the unfriended. Usually this action is done at the height of a moment, and in my experience is the end result of a temper-tantrum. It's saying that "if you're not going to give me what we want, then I'm not going to be your friend." In other words they want the friendship to be on their terms and their terms alone.

Blocking now can go two ways. When someone unfriends you and then blocks you, well it's just a heightened moment from before. And most likely in their mind, they use it as a method for you to come begging back to them. If they block you on facebook, you have to call them, you have to beg them to be your friend again, and that's exactly what they want, the control of the relationship back. The other situation for blocking, other than to get rid of crazy stalkers and creep-o's of that nature, is to keep the control of the relationship. I have blocked someone who went through the before mentioned unfriending, and I have another friend that did the same thing, and this is why: So they have to verbalize their apology. Both of the people that we blocked have bi-polar emotions. They are your friend one minute, and not the next, not speaking, then chatting your ear off as though nothing happened. And should you do nothing, they would, when it suits them, click the "let's be friends" button and try to waltz back into your life without a second thought to what they did to your emotions. Because it's all about them.

Now I know some of you are reading this thinking, that's not true, I'm not like that, and maybe your right. But really think, and really put yourself in the other persons shoes, and answer honestly. Make sure your motivations are pure before you start a handful of drama in life. Make sure you've really been a friend, and that you haven't expected of the other person more than you were willing to give, or that they were able to give. We are all broken people, and to expect others to hold your broken pieces together is something that will never happen; their too busy trying to hold their own pieces together.

You see this is the biggest problem with the married and single thinking of life, because single people discount anything that has to do with marriage in the bible because it doesn't apply. And that's not true because we all have relationships. And just as if God is not the number one of your marriage it's doomed to fail, If God is not the first and foremost of your life, then you will look to people to fill that place, something they can not do, and one after another, your friendships will fail, your trust in your parents, even your confidence in yourself will be gone. God needs to be number one, no matter what relationships are in your life.

And it may be too late to salvage that friendship. That's alright. Forgive them, ask for forgiveness, move on, and learn from this experience. Because that's life.