Unfriend

Well, After a week of sickness, I now have room in my head for a thought or two (although it still feels like my body is still trying to get my lungs to the outside)

One thing that has happened is that quite a bit in the past week is Facebook unfriending and blocking. Has that ever happened to you? Where someone gets there panties in a twist about something- usually imaginary- and they unfriend, or in extreme circumstances, block you.

Here is what I think about this. Unfriending someone says that you fully and completely give up on any type of relationship with the unfriended. Usually this action is done at the height of a moment, and in my experience is the end result of a temper-tantrum. It's saying that "if you're not going to give me what we want, then I'm not going to be your friend." In other words they want the friendship to be on their terms and their terms alone.

Blocking now can go two ways. When someone unfriends you and then blocks you, well it's just a heightened moment from before. And most likely in their mind, they use it as a method for you to come begging back to them. If they block you on facebook, you have to call them, you have to beg them to be your friend again, and that's exactly what they want, the control of the relationship back. The other situation for blocking, other than to get rid of crazy stalkers and creep-o's of that nature, is to keep the control of the relationship. I have blocked someone who went through the before mentioned unfriending, and I have another friend that did the same thing, and this is why: So they have to verbalize their apology. Both of the people that we blocked have bi-polar emotions. They are your friend one minute, and not the next, not speaking, then chatting your ear off as though nothing happened. And should you do nothing, they would, when it suits them, click the "let's be friends" button and try to waltz back into your life without a second thought to what they did to your emotions. Because it's all about them.

Now I know some of you are reading this thinking, that's not true, I'm not like that, and maybe your right. But really think, and really put yourself in the other persons shoes, and answer honestly. Make sure your motivations are pure before you start a handful of drama in life. Make sure you've really been a friend, and that you haven't expected of the other person more than you were willing to give, or that they were able to give. We are all broken people, and to expect others to hold your broken pieces together is something that will never happen; their too busy trying to hold their own pieces together.

You see this is the biggest problem with the married and single thinking of life, because single people discount anything that has to do with marriage in the bible because it doesn't apply. And that's not true because we all have relationships. And just as if God is not the number one of your marriage it's doomed to fail, If God is not the first and foremost of your life, then you will look to people to fill that place, something they can not do, and one after another, your friendships will fail, your trust in your parents, even your confidence in yourself will be gone. God needs to be number one, no matter what relationships are in your life.

And it may be too late to salvage that friendship. That's alright. Forgive them, ask for forgiveness, move on, and learn from this experience. Because that's life.

I'm sick.

No really, I am getting sick, and this is the worst when you're living on your own, because you still have to do everything yourself. People weren't kidding when they told me to revel in my childhood: definite perks.

Right now my ears are ringing, my eyes are watering, I should be in bed at this moment in time, but my body doesn't like to sleep before midnight, so I'm sitting here typing into my computer this statement: I hope that when I get married, My husband wants to take care of me.

I know, I know, you probably thought someone writing a blog like mine would be a crazy liberal feminist that never wants to get married and would like to castrate every man that walks by. But it's true, I say statement's like that on occasion. And this is good. To verbally say what you hope your future spouse will be only helps to build your list in your head, so that when it comes time to figure out if someone is a keeper or not, the list is carved into your sub-conscious.

Not to mention, it's good to hope for the future. I know a lot of singles that are terrified that God as cursed them to life long singleness, but I figure I'll cross that bridge if I come to it. I'd rather spend my daydreams on a future husband, than a the terror of forever aloneness. So verbalize your list from time to time, Hope in the future, and live you life, unless your sick like me- then go to bed.

Don't have free time.

I think one of the biggest misconceptions of the world is thinking that Singles are free and available at the drop of the hat because, well, they can't have anything better to do, they're single. But really it's the opposite. We don't have anyone to plan around, worry about, afford. All the reasons that families can't get up and do things, singles typically don't have those problems, so why wouldn't we jump to it and live life.

And maybe you're looking at this and saying "I am available at the drop of the hat," well stop it. You need to get up and live life, or you'll have regret follow you when you're married with kids, wondering why you never did "such and such." Now is the time to live without question. If you need help with ideas, read some things on my life is average. Contrary to what the title says, there are some random moments people have that can help you to start realizing to live life. Make a list of goals you have for life, and start working on them. If you ever hear yourself say "someday" make today "someday." Get up and do it: live a life of no regret.

He's just not that into....

What a great movie. There are, as with most movies this day and age, parts of the movie I don't agree with, but the principles still stand. If he's not acting like he likes you, he doesn't like you, and the same goes for girls, If she doesn't act like she likes you, then she doesn't like you. The important catch in the arguments we feed ourselves to the contrary is that nice does not equal like.

This is the one that seems to plague the Christian circles more than any other. The difference between Christians and everyone else, is that Christians feel like they have to be nice to everyone, so even when we want to yell "get away from me creep-o" we still have to treat you with "brotherly kindness." On the other hand non-Christians can treat you exactly how they feel about you, because they know they probably won't run into you again, Christians see each other at least once a week. So for all these complications, the over whelming one in singles group arises- If they're nice they must like me. And then unnecessary feelings arise leaving you to send someone's heart on the express train to the earth's core as the only way to truly tell them that you're not interested. Which leaves both of you feeling bad, and in an awkward place.

So what's the solution. The biggest clue is that if someone is not trying to start conversations outside of natural church settings aka. Facebook, text, or phone messages- then they aren't interested, they're just nice. And when in doubt, put your big girl/boy underwear on and ask them- and except whatever they say as the honest truth. And the truth is, unless they say yes, then it's a no. Which means, "I'm dating Jesus," "I need to grow spiritually," or any other Christian side steps, are just nice ways to say, "I'm just not that into you...."

A Valentine's Day to Remember

It is expected that if you are single on Valentine's Day you are bitter and depressed. This is ludicrous. Why does that day automatically equate to those feelings. I usually just forget completely that valentines day exists. And when I do notice that there is love in the air, I'm glad, because that means that there are people that still have healthy relationships. This shouldn't be a day to morn what we don't have, but to hope for what we want to some day receive from God. If you get down to the bones of the matter, that's what Valentine's day is truly celebrating, The best thing in your life from God. For couples it's the love that they have with each other, for singles it may be something different.

Now you may be wondering about my logic here, but think of it like Christmas. Valentine's day has been overly commercialized, turning it into something we are obligated into with manipulated emotions, rather than something to celebrate. Why not take back Valentine's day and Celebrate the relationships that are most meaningful to you, even if you are single. That's what I successfully did today. I went with my single girlfriends to a photo studio, matching outfits of course, and took barefoot family pictures with them. Because my focus was not on what I lacked this Valentines day, but rejoicing in the fact that I have a wonderful support group in my friends, so much so, I didn't have time to be bitter, cynical, or angry toward anyone in a relationship: I was too busy enjoying my relationships.

So if you did spend today with a pint of rocky and a box of chocolates you purchased yourself, as you quoted the lines to Casablanca crying over lost love. Pause for a moment and think if that was truly necessary, or could you have been out with friends on a Valentine's day to remember.

The Perks

Sometimes it is hard to be single. Sometimes it’s glorious. Because I’ve been single for nearly 25 years, I’ve been able to do the following:

Live on both sides of the country.

1. Travel when ever I want including but not exclusively to Germany, Vegas, Florida, D.C, and Iowa.
2. I can stay out as late as I want
3. I can keep my house in any state that I can tolerate
4. I can make last minute plans, even if those plans are to do nothing
5. I can buy whatever I feel I can afford, no one else has a say in my finances
6. Whatever else I want….

Being single may be a bummer sometimes, but being married has it’s downfalls as well. It’s just about reveling in the positives of life. So for now I’m going to thoroughly enjoy my life, and when it’s time, I move on to the positives of the next stage of life, but no since getting ahead of ourselves. Live for the moment.

Sometimes it's just tough....

Sometimes it's just hard being single. Whether you throughlly enjoy it and plan to stay so for the rest of your life, or you feel that life is passing you by in you pit of lonly misery, being single is tough. You get ambushed on a regular basis as to whether there is a significant other in your life, or what you think you'll do if you're 30, 40, or 50 and still single. You get passed over on group outings because the married people feel akward around you and sometimes it's a struggle to find singles in your area that aren't looking for baby mama's or daddy's.

So here's a scripture that usually helps to remind me that it's ok to tell God how miserable you might be or how difficult life is. And it also reminds me that God is there- every difficult step of the way.

Psalm 43

¹ Vindicate me, O God,
and plead my cause against an ungodly nation;
rescue me from deceitful and wicked men.

² You are God my stronghold.
Why have you rejected me?
Why must I go about mourning,
oppressed by the enemy?

³ Send forth your light and your truth,
let them guide me;
let them bring me to your holy mountain,
to the place where you dwell.

⁴ Then will I go to the altar of God,
to God, my joy and my delight.
I will praise you with the harp,
O God, my God.

⁵ Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.