Haunted.

Have you ever been haunted? Right now, that is my life. I have a single name that turns up every time I swear to be done with it. And it's not really the name, it's the person in ownership of this name that I swear to be done with, and as far as I know, this person has no clue I exist. So it feels more like God that throws this name back at me every day of my life. And that's just it, I don't really think it's God, Or maybe it is. I don't know, but I do know that if God is the one behind this seemingly crewel moment of name stalking, that there must be something I can learn from it, that is after all why things happen in life, so we can learn from them and become a better person. So what am I supposed to learn from the permanent poltergeist?

Perhaps that God is in control of everything, but control does not give meaning. Just because God knows everything that happens, and can control everything in our world, does not mean that every detail we interact with has a specific meaning for my life. To interpret our world like this leaves out one thing. Free-will. Although, I struggle with this thought, because God does decide who comes in and out of our lives, that is after all why he picked this exact moment in time to place us on the earth. So God has chosen that probably 50 percent of the people that have entered my life lately should have the same name, not to mention other subtle drops from time to time in movies, music, and life in general.

So where does this leave me?

What I tell myself is that he's not ready. If God is really sending me signs that this is the perfect person for me in all of humanity, then he must not be ready, and God is just keeping me hung up on this person so that I don't go out and do anything stupid with someone less worthy. And if this is false, then my other conclusion is that God is keeping me distracted while the right person sneaks up on me, because the truth is I don't play nice very when I know someone likes me, I usually shut them off and make them play hard to get, only they don't know that's what's going on.

Of course there is a third possibility, that I won't have any clue why all of this is happening till much later in life. I'm thinking this is probably what it is, because I doubt I can really figure out God and his intentions.

Man I'm paranoid.